Friday, July 3, 2009

Lately

Perjalanan hidup semua orang tak sama kan..ada ups and down. For me myself, it's hard to explain. It's too subjective. Lately, I rasa down nak study lagi. Hello..I'm almost 25, when it comes the time to read a book, I feel sleepy and hopeless. Dah tua kot...I tak tau the choice I've been made, either right or wrong. Supposely, for this sem, I'm lecturing students in Universiti Malaysia Terengganu, but I turn off the job. I tak tau I menolak rezeki ke apa. Kawan-kawan pensyarah dulu text tanya mengajar lagi ke tak. I cakap tak.

So dulu before kahwin, I boleh move back and forth between Terengganu and KL for my studies and job. Since I've my home sweet home and love of life in KL, it's hard to manage everything in one time. I taknak yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendung berciciran. Macam last time, tidur tak lena, makan tak kenyang pikir pasal study, duit ulang alik, penat, risau exam my students, my own exam and everything. But God always there, to hear my pray. Bila dapat good result in the end, I senyum puas.

Now I choose to study full time, and turn down the job. I rasa hopeless sebab..........orang lain dah start kumpul aset, but I stop for 3years just for my Ph.D. Tiap-tiap hari mesti mengadu dekat hubby, then suami mesti bagi jawapan yang melegakan hati isteri kan...Sayang dah ada Master, orang lain tak ada, Sayang dah start PhD, orang lain tak lagi, nanti sayang start kerja in future, your salary will be higher than them, sabar lah and everything, nanti in future dapat title Dr. , kalau sayang give up, sia-sia sahaja.

Then, I bear in mind, focussing, jangan give up. Tapi kalau research susah dan data selalu tak cukup, itu memang give up juga. Nak kena publish banyak-banyak research in journal, lagi la I macam nak pitam. Kalau orang lain before 28, dah dapat Ph. D, kenapa I nak give up? May be I'm not strong as them.

Kalau perempuan ni kan, memang banyak bermain emosi. Semua masalah dari diri sendiri yang lemah ;(

3 comments:

BigGirl said...

Gud luck Mama, dont give up..
Sal dulu pon pernah pk nk benti study, then keje.biase aaa duk jauh dr family ni cam2 pikir..tp bile pk blk beh ke keje?and x sume org dpt peluang samb study, mama lucky, sampai phd lagi.
n jgn lupe,, doa byk2..insyaAllah dipermudahkan segalanya

Azuar Razmi said...

kuatkan semangat,syg..i'll be on your side..to give u strength n hepiness...good luck,syg..love u!!

-hubby-

nazza said...

mama, kalo rasa give up, talk to urself n say, "tu sumer hasutan syaitan semata!"

seriously, akak dulu pun nak sambg master.. sbb tu la akak dpt duk se-banglo dgn mama dulu.. tp akak give up sbb tak dpt scholar atas alasan course akak takda market n tak ramai yg familiar dgn pe yg akak nak buat.. ye la, kalo sebut aquatic management, org tanya - pe benda yg ko blaja? **urgh!!

n till now, akak masih nak sambg master tp keadaan lak tak izinkan.. mama got the chance rite now.. jgn sia2kan.. kang asik ttangguh2 mcm akak skrg.. rugi masa.. otak akak pun dah bkarat agaknya..

chaiyok2 mama!

**fikirkan juga mereka yg telah berkorban skrg ni utk lihat kejayaan mama di kemudian hari!!

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